Wednesday, August 17, 2011


i had a strange dream last night.

i cheated on Devin with someone i used to date. :/
now, if you know me at all, you know that these kind of dreams happen all the time.
i kiss some guy, then in the middle of making out, i realize i have a boyfriend, feel HORRIBLE and wake up.
still feeling guilty, mind you.

but this time i didn't feel guilty.. 

and i don't know why. it was weird.

it was one of those realistic dreams too.

i hate that it's still haunting me throughout the day as well.. 




so i'm sitting here
in my couch/bed
listening to some acoustic playlist i found on stumbleupon
and thinking that life is great :]

nothing particularly exciting has happened recently to make me realize this,
but everything is just so... right.
i'm so excited to go back to school
and write things

and get involved
and hopefully make a difference.

i don't wanna be lazy anymore
i wanna get up and do something... notable. lol.

although i've always been partial to taking a backseat
soo changing might not be the easiest thing
it's what i really want.
i just need to keep praying to be motivated each and every dayy. lol.
to always be anxiously engaged in something.. ya know?

anywho.. :]
i'm just so blessed.

i've been kind of struggling with rediscovering my talents lately.

in high school, it was so easy.
i played softball, and i was good at it.

i played the flute, and i wasn't bad at that either.

but now i'm in college, not on the softball team, and no longer in band..
what used to define me is completely gone and i'm just plain ol' me.
i have no tangible proof that i can really do anything interesting.

it almost makes me feel naked.

buut.. not having those things has also helped me to develop as a person. 
not as a shortstop

not as a first chair
just spiritually, and mentally grow.

and now i'm discovering other things i can do
aand i'm proving to myself that i am talented in other, weirder, less noticeable ways :]

PS- i love Devin :]]