holy cow!

life is SO GOOD.

i mean, it's rough sometimes..

and busy..

and hard..

BUT SO WORTH IT.

also.. i love my parents. they do so much for me.

seriously. so much.

they're amazing examples to me; i hope that i come close to start to begin to be almost as good as them one day!

also also.. i wanna say thank you. to everyone who puts up with my crap.

everyone who doesn't laugh at me when i'm crying. (which is often..)

everyone who makes me smile.

everyone who makes me feel included.

everyone who motivates me.

everyone who is an example to me.

i'm so grateful for all my friends, my floor-mates, my RS presidency, all the girls IN Relief Society, my brothers, my sister, my parents, my boyfriend..

yer all stinkin amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

blind melon

I GET TO GO HOMEEE TODAY!
and sleep in my old bed (with Becca)
and shower in my OWN shower
and do my laundry for freee
and see my brother play baseball
and enjoy the st george weather
and get my hair done
and hang out with my mom
and play dance central!


needless to say.. i'm excited :D

pouvoir: French verb meaning "TO CAN"

I think one of the most important things in life is not to get discouraged.

it's hard (at least for me i know it is) when so much bad is in the world; when so many people say you can't.

but whenever i start to feel like i'm inadequate, i think of... well. i think of a few things.

i think of my mom (and dad) and how they will love me no matter what i can or cannot do.

i think of my Father in Heaven. He doesn't make mistakes. He gave me talents and abilities to use.

i think of society, and how its views screw me up.

i think of the little engine that could.

i think to pray.

i think that i'm creative. no one thinks of things in the same way i do, and no one sees things the way i do..

it's nice to know that no matter what, nobody could be me. nobody could figure out exactly how i work.

i'm the best ME there is. and as overused as that saying may be, it's really comforting.

so. here are some common discouraging things.. and my thoughts on them.

SCHOOL.

overwhelming homework. feeling like you're not as smart as the rest of your classmates. thinking you did well on a test aaand finding out otherwise.

i been there!

here's some advice from my mom to whoever reads this via my blog:

take a deep breath. 

everyone feels this way; you're not alone.

it was only one test. now you know what to work on!

BODY IMAGE

holy cow. this is such a big issue with so many girls in today's world.

i don't like admitting this but i used to be OBSESSED with my weight.  the summer before i went off to BYUH is when it started getting bad.. i was on the HCG diet (look it up if you've never heard of it) and then, once that ended, i had to run everyday or else i felt like i was gaining weight. i couldn't help myself. on the outside, it looked like i was just being healthy (whats wrong with running, right?) but i was exercising for all the wrong reasons. my mind was messed up.

then i moved to HI.. and with all the stress of being a freshman away from home, and my metabolism being so messed up from the crazy things i was doing to it... i gained weight.

i'll spare you the depressing details, but it was bad.

but.

i got through it.

because of some amazing people, one amazing book, and a lot of time... i am now a better person.

i can now think of food and exercise in a normal way.

i don't compare myself to others.. at least not as much.

i can accept the way i look :]

ok.

so the bottom line is..

don't get discouraged. you CAN do it.

whatever "it" may be.

c'est la vie.

i hate lingerie models.

and i hate trying clothes on.

well..

maybe hate is a strong word, but i really don't like them.

going into a dressing room is like entering another dimension.

an evil dimension.

it's like Narnia's evil twin.

the lighting is always horribleeee.. so you can see every lump and every blemish.

my favorite.

and i feel like nothing fits quite right when yer in there. there is always SOMETHING unflattering goin on up in there.

it's a real confidence booster.

aand the fact that they have pictures of photo-shopped models all over the place definitely doesn't help.

it's not often that i feel insecure about the way i look.

it used to be a big issue, but over the years, i've learned to pull my head out.. fer the most part.

BUT

dressing rooms never fail to throw me off.

i'm just glad that i can always come back to reality. it takes a little while for the urge to jump on a treadmill to wear off, but eventually, it does.

thank

goodness.

spewed thoughts.

firstly.. aaaaaarrrghhhhhhh.
sometimes i get so worked up about dumb things.

everyone has so much good in them.

i was thinking about the book "You Are Special" today. i almost cried.

no one should ever feel like they're a nothing.

i wish my thoughts translated into words perfectly. that rarely happens.

i also wish that people could get recognized for their gifts and talents that aren't necessarily "visible".

like someone who has a really strong testimony.. or someone who is really good at making others feel included.. someone who loves easily and unconditionally..

sometimes i wish we could have some sort of identifier. 

"Alright.. all those with a strong testimony get to wear this picture of Christ on your sleeve."

"And all those who are naturally inclusive, put this smiley face on there."

"All who love others as Jesus did get this heart. Put it on your sleeve as well."

ya.

that'd be ideal.

sometimes i feel really socially awkward. 

because of this, i don't really know how i have friends. hahaa.

happiness is a CHOICE

i should be studying for linguistics right now, but oh well.

i needed to get these things out..ya know?

making decisions is hard. if everything was black and white, it'd be much easier.

on the other hand, i do love grey.

i like the sound of typing. i feel cool when i can type a word really fast.

and i like the sound of metal cleats on cement.

miss that..

i don't shower everyday. i don't think most people do, but they'd never admit it cuz it's "bad" or "wrong". kinda like picking your nose.. society tells us it's a no-no.

but you know what i think is wrong?

cleaning what's not dirty. lol.

i'm a girl.

i'm nineteen.

i think i can tell when i stink.

and when i do.. i shower.

it's that simple.

if i do have a problem with BO, i hope my friends would  love me enough to tell me anyway.

i'm almost constantly afraid of coming off as fake or cliche..

i love Shakespeare. he knew what was up. if the general populous knew how to read him, there would be less crime.

music is an incredible thing. i think the best and most TALENTED artists know how to take a common but powerful emotion and convey it thru a song.

however that may be.

  

i'm lucky in a lot of ways.

i think people are so amazing. i really do.

i thought your coffee table was more clever than that

This week has been rough.

 AND IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY.

first there was Sunday..oh man, that was a roller coaster of emotion. 

right before Relief Society (WARD CONFERENCE no less) i found out that i was supposed to be speaking.

ya.

me and Mary had noo idea.

so after feeling shocked/guilty for not being prepared, i go into the cultural hall to face the Stake Reilief Society Presidency..

*duhn duhn duhn*

they're really not scary in the least, but considering the situation, i reallyyyy did NOT wanna go in there.

then, after a couple more minutes of feeling like the worst RS president in the world, the bishop told me i needed to pull up my shrug because it was immodest.

i just about lost it :[

BUT.

even after all this muck.. things turned out amazing. Mary, the bishop, and i all bore our testimonies and then we heard from the stake leaders.

and that was that.

it was alright.

i had survived!

even though, for a split second, i thought i might dieeeee. haha.  

all in all, it was a really spiritual learning/growing experience. i'm glad it happened. 

i need to be humbled every so often.. and this definitely did the job.

THEN.

there was Mon/Tues/Wednesday...

they are all blurred together to be honest.

i just remember a lot of homework

a lot of attempts at decision making

a lot of emotions

and a lot of COLD.

soo

rough.

but

really good.

every seemingly "bad" thing that happened, resulted in something good.

life's challenges are chippin away at me and slowly SLOWLY makin me better.